This post is for me. IF it offends anyone, keep your mouth shut. In our household we have the terrible two's and the terrible twenty-seven's with Richard on the sidelines. I am at my whits end with Kierra and yes I know that I have a long way to go. How in the crap are you supposed to parent a kid that whines, screams and cries all of the time. She doesn't know what she wants and when she does, it still involves a tantrum. I suck at motherhood. I have zero patience for it and I am afraid the neighbors can hear it. Most of the time I am dissappointed in me rather than her for my actions. I completely understand why she doesn't like me. It's like both of us have become different people within the last month. We are constantly butting heads. Is this what our lives are going to be like forever? Hormones constantly surging. It makes me feel bad when I hear or read about other people's children and how they love everything they do. They are sweethearts. It makes me wonder if it is all because of me. Is my personality and temperment the cause for the constant tension in our house? It makes me feel really bad when she is always asking for her dad too. If he leaves the room, she cries. Is it like that for anyone else? I feel like I am eventually going to lose it. It is causing me to have a hard time to express my love to her when she acts like she hates me. Then I get freaked out to think about how you do this with more than one. Why do we want to do this over again and it's only just begun.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to deal with temper tantrums, advice is welcome. I also don't want this entry to sound like I don't love Kierra. I really do but I am having a really hard time expressing it to her when she is like this. If you suggest therapy, we can't afford it.
7 comments:
First of all HANG IN THERE! Parenthood sure isn't fun and games all or even most of the time.
Second if it makes you feel better I think most blogs show only the highlights of everyone's lives, kind of one sided brag spots more than blog spots.
Evelyn and I are just like what you are telling about you and Kierra. I don't have it so much with the boys but, man, little girls are moody!!! I'm sure my neighbors can hear us. There's no way they can't!
The best thing for us is separation. With Chris's night schedule she can't go to her room to whine and scream so I set her on the back porch. Yes even when the weather's not great. She allowed to rejoin the family when she's ready to behave. She usually comes around pretty quickly. I'll probably have to find a new spot with winter though, somewhere safe but separate.
I wish you luck and I'm always here to listen. Its not easy.
I send Axcil to his room and shut the door. It removes him from the situation and my face. I tell him that when he calms down he can come out. He hates it and stops pretty quick. I know it sucks sometimes and it seems like you could rip every hair out of your head and not even feel it.
Parenthood is definitely hard. I agree with what Katrina said, it almost always appears that nobody else has problems or struggles. The truth is that all parents feel like slamming their head into the wall at some point. For me, I get that way a lot!
Girls are definitely a lot more moody than boys. People always warned me of that but until I had a girl for myself, I didn't really understand it. But wow, everyone was right! And Kierra has her own little personality that she was born with. Quite possibly you two could be butting heads so much because you are TOO much alike. I've seen that happen a lot with parent and kids that have similar personalities.
Try to keep in mind that kids will have different adjustment periods in their lives. There are going to be some months that are just way rough, but just hang in there because your child will eventually get through that phase. I know, easier said than done.
As far as the tantrums go, it's important to first of all let the child know that their behavior is unacceptable. Most of the time, the child doesn't even realize that they are whining or screaming - at least they don't realize that there is a more appropriate way to communicate their desires and frustrations.
Second, be sure to follow through. If you tell Kierra to stop whining and she doesn't, then let her know what the consequence will be if she doesn't stop. I usually give one warning and then I follow through with the consequence. I know she might seem young, but just explain exactly why she is getting the consequence. She understands a lot more than you realize.
Anyway, I hope anything I've said can help. Don't be afraid to remove yourself from the situation. If you have to put her in her room for 10 minutes and take a hot shower so you can't hear her screaming - then do it.
Please remember that we all have hard times with our kids, too. You are not alone! You are a good mom and we can all see that. Hang in there!
Hey there neighbor I hope it is ok that I am reading this. I saw your blog on your facebook profile when we became friends and thought I would check it out. I have to say when I read this post it felt like I was reading an excert from my own life. I have many of these days and it is particularly hard with Colby my oldest. We but heads all of the time and he tells me what a horrible mom I am. I know he says it out of frustration but after time you start to believe it. One suggestion I have is to just have a break away from her. I have a couple of night a month that I get together with some friends and we have girl time. It usually turns out that all we do is talk about our children but it helps to know there are other moms feeling the same way you do and by the time we go home we all have a renewed desire to go home and try to be better moms. Try also to remember that if you can stay calm it helps her to stay calm, she can sense your frustration. Anyway I am glad to help in any way I can. If you need me to take her for awhile let me know. Bye the way as a neighbor I can honestly say I can't hear you, although it is probably because I drowned it out by my own screaming at my kids.
First of all, love what you have done to your blog. Love the background. Hey, I don't know if this helps, but, we went through the same things too. I am still crashing heads with Tyler and Hailey.
Keira might just be testing your limits. She might be requesting her daddy, because he's ok with her behavior, she can get away with it with him.
I agree with Jenny about letting your child know that their behavior is unacceptable. If her behavior is consistant with a certin activity or task, I suggest using a token economy as a way to change her behavior, instead of her room. I don't like the close door technique. Use a sticker system on the fridge and when she uses or has good behavior reward her with something little that she likes. It doesn't have to be bought. When she has 3 or 4 or 5 stickers, give her the reward, and start over.
I also would try to use one or two syllable words when she is trying to speak or make a request. Repeat what she wants with one word and see how that works.
You might also want to use a time-out spot or step or stool. Create a designated place for her to go when tantrums erupt. Let her know when she has calmed down you will come back and see her there. When she is calm, tell her why you put her there and that the behavior she displayed was not acceptable. Use hugs to let her know she can now leave the time-out area.
I also use precision commands with my children, it usually works with one request, but they are older.
I know days can be tough, but you can do it. Hang in there. Search the net for ideas using a positive reward system to help put an end to the tantrums.
If all else fails, trade for babysitting to give yourself a break. You can do it, just try several things to see what will work for you and her. Good Luck, let us know what worked.
I just checked back to see what feedback you received. I need it too!
I wanted to say I agree with Rachel on the positive reinforcement. Its amazing how encouraging good behavior helps. It just isn't a cure all at our house.
I think the other hard thing for me is consistency. I find when things start to go downhill at our house its also because I've allowed behavior to slide rather than keeping the expectations consistent.
I hope your week has been better! Oh and thank you for being honest about this. We need more moms in this world willing to be open about child rearing not being all hugs and kisses. Then we can really help each other!
Sometimes I just have to eat a bunch of chocolate, but you already know that. I just threaten to put Logan in his crib, and that is the only thing that he hates enough that he will actually start to behave. It took a long time to figure that out, though.
Post a Comment